3 things I want my son to always know

Here in Britain and in a lot of the developed world we take education for granted. We’re taught to add, count, write and read among other things. However I feel our system is lacking in certain ways. PSCHE classes are lessons in which issues such as racism, sexism, and topical issues are discussed and devated. In theory, its a fantastic idea, but sitting through several of these lessons myself during my last year of high school and then again as compulsory lessons once a week during sixth form, I know that these lessons are for mucking about. I’ve encountered some passionate teachers in this area, but more often than not the teachers i had during these lessons knew it was a guaranteed pass grade with no formal testing and it was essentially a free period for them as well as us.

I think we massively underestimate this measley hour we offer our children every week. I even vaguley remember parents complaining it was taking time away from real education. I’d hope in the future these important periods will be taken more seriously and I hope we don’t need to introduce formal exams to do this. In the meantime here are the lessons I took away from the passionate teachers I encountered which I am trying my utmost to instil into my son as second nature

           Love. It seems an obvious one. Surely everybody has first hand experience of love. Our mothers, grandmothers and friends love us. But what about the girl who’s being bullied? the invisible homeless man who sits outside the campus? The boy who just lost his parents? Why are we so quick to ignore the issues and people that don’t directly affect us? Because after all me, myself and I can’t end all bullying. I cant end all poverty and I can’t bring anyone back. No you can’t, but there are people behind these larger issues, people on a smaller level who aren’t being shown the love they need to get by.

  •   Empathy. Empathy for me ties in very closely with love. To truely offer our fellow human beings support we need to be able to understand them and the things they’ve been through without going through them ourselves. We need to understand how that man came to be homeless and how in another time and place that could happen to us. It wouldn’t make us bad people and it wouldn’t automatically deserve us a complete overlooking by an entire society that doesn’t want to see

         Respect. I can’t stress enough how little respect I see in everyday interactions. I want my son to have respect enough for himself to want the best, but also respect for everyone else enough to know that nothing is beneath him and ‘the best’ may not always mean the highest salary, fastest car or biggest house. I want him to have respect for women and have respect for men. Traits of a gentleman don’t end at the female sex they should extend to everyone from the CEO of the company to the girl clearing your table after lunch.           



Once you smash a mirror…

Its been a long and difficult path since giving birth to my twins almost a year ago. My relationship with the babies father has been especially rocky. By rocky I mean monumentally and colosally fuckety fucked up.

I ‘ve attempted to forgive the unforgiveable and reclaim the family I had.

Is this possible?  Or even worth it?

Honest answer…I haven’t a clue

I reviewed, constantly the situation that occurred. I tried to accept my part in it (although miniscule in comparison) 

We talked and talked and talked and shouted until we were blue in the face. We aired every last tiny detail until exhausted. 

He acknowledged his part and sought the help needed. But does that mean i’m obliged to forget too?

“Oh not this again” comes out of his mouth all too often. I can’t forget and looking back on the last few months I’m not sure I fully forgive him either. 

I want more than anything the family and future we had planned

But if you smash a mirror the cracks are always there. 

First week being a single mum

I’ve been very quiet in my writing lately and there’s a good reason for that. I recently became a single mum after going through the worst three months of my life in which I did everything possible to keep my family together for our 5 month old children, the love of my life did everything possible to destroy it and me.

I’m ashamed to say drugs were heavily involved. My children’s father who throughout our entire relationship was nothing but perfect suddenly started disappearing for days at a time, his phone switched off and came home with long winded excuses about where he’d been and where all his money had gone. If I was upset or angry or confronted him, he would twist it around to how it was my fault. The man whose voice I’d never heard raised would scream at me in front of the children, he would push me and lock me out of the house.

He never asked for forgiveness but I gave it anyway as I’ve been so scared to be alone. scared to be a single mum when this wasn’t the plan, we planned a family, a home and a future and i couldn’t understand why he suddenly just didn’t care anymore. I logged onto his Facebook and found evidence of extreme excessive drug use as well as hundreds of messages to his ‘friends’ slagging me off as a bad mum a horrible person and painting me as a psycho ex who wouldn’t leave him alone. There were times we would sit together and he’d ask me not to leave and say we could fix every thing and that he loved me, minutes later he would tell somebody “this fucking psycho won’t leave”

I cannot even comprehend my feelings at this moment having been kicked out of the family home with our children 4 days ago. Things came to a head when I awoke to find he’d posted naked photos of myself on Facebook from my account. I gave up my house, my career and all my friends to be with him and now I’ve been left with nothing.

Any positive stories of breaking up for the best are more than welcome!

So in my first official week as a single mum of three I pledge these things to myself

  • I will reconnect with friends I’ve left slip whilst being wrapped up in a relationship
  • I will get out more, i’ll find local baby groups and new mother friends
  • I will be strong, I won’t text or ring or raise to his provocation
  • I will concentrate wholeheartedly on being the best mum I can for my children
  • I will channel all this pain and hurt into my writings

Mums! Stop tearing each other down!

We’re all part of the same club. We’ve all given birth. We’ve laid, stood, squatted and out came a baby (not as easily as that) so why are we so quick to condemn each other. 

I think it comes from a deep desire to be better than our fellow mum. To condemn a mothers actions so that that we ourselves can be complimented on how differently we would handle something. Different doesn’t mean better. 

I’ve been a mum since I was 16 so in a way it feels like I always have been. In the 8 years since i’ve grown a thick skin and the judgements no longer bother me. 

Recently I found myself judging another mum who told me she would never consider breastfeeding.who am I to judge her choice, I don’t want to be that person who makes someone else feel badly about them selves, I don’t want to be part of the problem so instead I’m going to be part of the solution.

I’m writing this for the mums who are new to the club, the ones who maybe don’t have that thick skin yet and the ones who feel that they alone are the worse in the world for a decision they’ve made.

I congratulate you on your decision to raise a life. That in itself is a scary, brave and awe inspiring decision. 

I congratulate you on your decision to breast feed and your decision to formula feed. Lord knows they’re both as difficult as each other. 

I congratulate you on your natural pain relief free birth, on your epidural birth and on your cesarean. None is better than the other they are all the hardest thing you can do and they all deserve applause.

I congratulate you on reading every parenting book there is and on reading none. Picking and sticking to a particular written method of parenting and on taking each day as it comes. 

I congratulate you on co-sleeping, crib sleeping and just plain not sleeping! For never leaving your babys’ side and for leaving them with Dad while you get that well deserved night out.

Parenting is the hardest thing any of us will do. I congratulate every single one of you and emplore you to think the next time you judge a mum for doing something differently to you and instead understand her decision. Let’s build each other up instead and create a society of confident mums who aren’t afraid to ask for advice for the fear of being judged

How’s your novel going?

Although new to blogging, I’ve been writing for as long as i can remember. I’ve written short stories, poems and epic novels. And not a single one is finished! I find myself roughly half way through comjng up with a great idea and realising I cannot fit it into my current project and so I start another. “Just to get it down so I don’t forget” I tell myself. I fully intend to get inediately back to the first project once I have a basic outline of my idea down. I never do I get carried away and then half way through that idea I suddenly have an urge to write a childrens story and I will get on with that instead. 

I’m making a public oath to finish a particular novel I have been coming and going from since i was 17 years old and discovered a love of crime novels. I promise my self I will not be distracted, I will not procrastinate and I will finish 1 half way completed novel before January 1st!

Shout out to all you writers out there! Any tips welcome. How do you stay on track? How do you overcome writers block? How do you ever finish anything?! 

6 friends your child will make in their first month at school

Your baby is all grown up and going off to school. You’ll be scared, excited and nervous and so will they. They’ll come home with tales of adventures, teachers and all their new friends. Although you know you must encourage your baby to blossom within every social circle and engage with all children, you may find yourself forming some strong opinions of these tiny people.

1.) The influence

This child is usually the daring one of the pack, will likely be the one who pushes your innocent love to go that little bit further wether in a good or bad way. The influences name will often be found in the sentence ” but muuuum so and so said he does”

2.) The one who knows too much

The one who has heard all the swear words. Picks up on everything said around them and will eventually lead to the dreaded ‘birds and bees’ talk. FYI start disliking this one early on, the inappropriate questions he causes will lead to this anyway eventually.

3.) The one with the mum who’s cooler than you.

They’re allowed the best games despite the age rating,they choose their own clothes and haircut and now your kid is looking at you like you’re the biggest bitch they’ve met. When did you get so old!

4.) The bossy one.

You may catch them through the window as you’re picking your kid up, hands on hip, finger wagging. Aggressively telling your lost little lamb where to stand and how to sit or what he’s doing wrong. You may suddenly question your own decency as you find out you have very strong feelings about this little shit. Worry not, this child usually mellows out once they learn then cannot have all attention all the time

5.) The bully

Right you’re gonna need a drink to get through this one. At some point you will encounter one. Usually either physically bigger than most children, or more socially aware. Your cherub may cry. He will be upset and you will do anything to make him ok again. Marching to school with all guns blazing will not help this one. Make sure your baby is always comfortable enough to talk to you and politely and firmly explaon that to the teacher you would like to arrange a meeting with all involved parties to get to the bottom of it. Remember, scowling and hissing at other peoples kids is frowned upon. 

6.) The lifer

Its not all bad news though. Your baby will meet friends who share his interests encourage him in ways you can’t or daren’t they’ll laugh together and cry together and you’ll grow to love this child as one of your own

Side note number 7 will be “the object of their affections” but i’ll crush your heart with that when you’re older and wiser